Why most of us suck at helping

What kind of helper are you?  Being in a relationship – and especially a marriage – is supposed to include helping one another out when times get tough.  However, most of us don’t do a very good job of this.  We want to help.  We don’t like to see our loved ones in pain.  But often our attempts fall short.


Adam Hamilton, in his book, Love to Stay, tells us why: “To be a helper is to seek the best for the person you’re helping – in the way they can best receive it.  Some of us need to be reminded that our job is not to solve all the problems our spouse brings to us; in fact, most people hate it when we try to solve all their problems.  When they bring us problems and lay out things that are burdening them, the help we can bring is to come alongside them, encourage and bless them, and build them up – the very things we need when we are troubled.  That is part of what it means to be a helper.”

The truth is, most of us try to “fix it” when our spouses bring problems before us.  Guys: this is especially true for us!  Most often, be the best thing we can do is be present – to listen, to love, and to be in solidarity with the people we love.

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